Confession: Doing the weekly Homefront activities with my kids is like aiming at a moving target. I must have some picture in my head of the perfect family quietly nestled down for family devotions. My family never looks like that picture. Even when we do manage to pull off the activity, I’m not always great about pulling in “the right” application point.

Case in point: Last week we played a dramatic game of hide-and-seek in our small apartment. This challenge highlighted the competitive nature of everyone involved, mostly my husband and me. See, when there aren’t many places to hide you have to be very creative and flexible. Literally, you have to have great flexibility in all extremities to pull off a good hiding spot in our house. As I crouched in the shoe basket inside our front closet, holding my breath behind the winter coats I remembered how fun it is to play hide-and-seek and how absolutely terrifying it is to be waiting and waiting, hoping not to get caught. At the same time, crouching in the shoe basket is pretty uncomfortable so I did want to be found…eventually.

My kids would have an easier time with the hiding part except for their complete inability to squash the giggles. They are still small and can fit in impossible places. They have every advantage in this situation, but they cannot stop laughing long enough to be missing for any length of time.

While I would like to claim the prize for best hider, in my heart I know it belongs to Bo, my 6’5″ husband who managed to squeeze his gigantic frame underneath an impossibly small twin bed. It was the last place I would have even thought to look for that man and the only reason he was found was that I had seen him run in that room to hide. (Yes, I’m a snitch. Once I’m found I want everyone else to be too.) Even then, when my son was pointing under the bed saying, “I found him!” I was not convinced he was telling the truth because I just couldn’t see how on earth he even got under there without disassembling the bed. Did I mention we are competitive?

What I wasn’t prepared for was how intense the game really was for my 8-year-old son. As I transitioned to gathering together for the Bible story of the shepherd searching for his lost sheep, I realized that he was actually terrified. The point of the Bible story took a back seat to the real need to deal with the fear that was triggered in my son’s heart. Our conversation took a completely different slant and we instead recalled verses about fear and the truth that God is with us always. We prayed. We cuddled. We worked through it together so that he could fall asleep that night without fear.

When I look back at that night, a piece of me feels that we didn’t “accomplish” what the paper told us to do…and the perfectionist in me is disappointed. On the other hand, I truly feel like we did in the moment what needed to be done–connect with our child and meet his emotional and spiritual needs…and the Spiritual Parent in me is delighted.

The goal of Spiritual Parenting is not to follow some rigid list of rules or merely manage our kid’s behavior. The goal is to pass on a vibrant, transforming faith to the next generation. Michelle Anthony, author of Spiritual Parenting says, “We can spend our hours or invest our days in what matters.” We can look for those opportune moments to redeem the time we have with our kids.

I tell you this story in case your target is moving too. Vibrant, transforming faith is not a static thing, but it is worth it!

There is an all out war raging at our house over screen time, helping around the house and fairness.

Inspired by a friend, I decided to implement a new plan on how to regulate screen time (TV, computer & video games) and motivate my kids to contribute to the general well being of our household. The basic idea is that they can have as much screen time as they want, but they have to earn the points by doing household chores, reading or other beneficial activities.

My kids have decided this system is completely unfair.

Why? Because I had fallen into the parenting strategy called, “Getting Through The Day.”

I define the Getting Through The Day strategy like this: Doing whatever it takes to get through the day without a fight, even if it means sacrificing the long term good of my children.

This is my default mode when I am tired, busy and burned out as a parent. I simply run out of energy to engage in the battle of raising responsible human beings and I settle for happy kids, even if that means I have to do everything myself and end up even more tired, busy and burned out.

There are seasons where Getting Through The Day is a completely valid parenting technique. Those stressful times in life where temporary circumstances throw life into a blender and all you can do is swim to the top to avoid being sucked into the sharp blades at the bottom would be acceptable moments to employ this strategy. Moving, having a new baby, recovering from surgery, starting a new job and grieving the loss of a loved one have been blender seasons for me as a parent. My kids have learned a lot about being independent during those periods.

It’s when I realize that the blades are no longer whirring and some of the independence my kids are exerting have gone awry that I decide to fight a few battles for well-being of my beloved sons. In this case, the screen-time battle of 2011. I’ve stepped back and looked down the road a few years and decided that when I’ve launched my kids I want them to understand a few things. That life does not revolve around our entertainment. That work comes before play. That it’s important for us to work together for the well-being of our home. That spending time together interacting is way better than zoning out.

As Reggie Joiner says in Think Orange, “In my pursuit of what I thought would make my kids happy, I threatened what makes them come alive.”

So I’ve picked up the battle ax and started swinging. My kids are not happy. They have been shaken out of their video-game-induced coma. They are experiencing the pain of being alive. I know I’m not fighting perfectly, but I am depending on the grace of God to cover over my inadequacy.

What is it in your home? You may have already fought the screen time battle and won. Have you thought through some of the end-game results that you desire for your children? Is there anything worth the battle?

I always knew there would come a day when I would be an embarrassment to my children. I just didn’t know it would come so soon. Apparently, a six-year-old is not too young to be concerned about his mother’s public behavior. I have been informed, under no uncertain terms, that I am NOT to dance at stop lights while driving, and I am to limit my private dancing to times when only members of our immediate family are present. Clearly, I do not have enough dignity to impose these sensible limitations on my own behavior. They need to come from my kindergartner.

Vindication has come however on a recent mission trip to Peru. One of the missionary moms approached me at the end of our week of working with her children and said that her kids thought I was a really cool mum. Did you get that? I am a “Cool Mum.” So what if I had to travel to another continent for this to be true? These kids even saw me dancing crazier than I do at stop lights and they still think I am a cool mum. (Sorry, I just can’t stop writing “cool mum.” I might even invest in some personalized license plates with that description. Of course, that will undoubtedly be completely embarrassing to my children.)

Now, in order to encourage that mom, I confessed that in my own country and to my own children I am actually an embarrassment. She was not surprised since she, also, is an embarrassment to her own children. Her encouragement to me was this, “To be fair, think of all the times your children have embarrassed you.”

Ah yes, I instantly recall the day my firstborn followed me out of a store screaming at the top of his lungs how much he hates me and how I am the worst mom in the world. That was a doozy. Then there was that time, OK one of many times, that my newly potty-trained son was caught publicly watering trees, rocks and fences. Really, this list could get very long. In fact, parenting can either drive you to insanity attempting to minimize embarrassing situations in order to win approval of onlookers, or you can learn to seek the approval of One. There is no in-between because your kids will shame and humiliate you. It’s only a matter of time.

This realization, that the embarrassment flows both ways, is slightly vindicating, however, there is another important principle at work. The fact of the matter is, our kids will probably always find it easier to see a “cool mum or dad” in someone else. My question to you is, “Who is that going to be in your kids’ lives and how will they influence them?”

Confession. I am not at the place where my kids have completely tuned me out and are looking for other voices. Wisdom tells me that eventually it will happen. No matter how much they love me and want to marry me now, eventually they will realize how embarrassing it is to want to marry your own mother and will decide that I have no idea what I’m talking about. At this point, the opinions of peers, teachers, mentors and coaches will seem much more appealing than those of their embarrassing mother.

As a parent, I can cross my fingers and hope they choose good voices to listen to, or I can diligently forge relationships with adults with whom they can build trust. This is a huge benefit of being in the body of Christ, belonging to a church family who will come along side me and my children as we navigate the decisions of life. This is also a huge benefit of sticking to my guns on Sunday mornings and insisting that they attend Kids Connect when they’d rather just go to service. These small decisions set them up to have adults in their lives who will speak the truth of God when they don’t want to hear it from me.

My husband and I also have made a point of continuing a relationship with our kids’ Kids Connect teachers outside of Sunday morning. It helps that one of them is in our journey group and the other is on my husband’s softball team. It also helps that we truly enjoy them and love sharing life with them. The side benefit is that we increase the time that our kids interact with them and at this stage, time is gold. In order to develop a real, meaningful relationship it has to happen over lots of time. So we make this investment with hopes that it will pay off in the lives of our kids.

My challenge is for you to think this through and be intentional about putting your child in the path of adults who love God and are willing to invest in their lives. I would love to hear from any of you who have done this and found it helpful.

I remember when Hillary Clinton used this African proverb in 1996 at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. The outcry by the conservative community was loud! Parents are the people that should lead families, not government. In their haste to condemn what was interpreted as the government imposing it’s will on families, an important Biblical principle was lost.

Raising kids is hard. Even if you are great parents, doing everything “right” there comes a day when your kids need more than just you to influence them. When our boys were in grade school we made the decision to move from Denver to Omaha. One of the considerations in our decision was the desire to be closer to our extended family…we wanted to widen the circle of influence to include grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins for our boys. We are fortunate to have a family that exemplifies the same values as my husband and I; we realized that influence from family members would help our kids stay connected to God as they navigated their teen years.

Our family situation may be different from yours but the concept of having an extended community of adults to help mentor and influence your kids is not only desirable but worth the effort. Developing relationships with families and adults that love God will someday prove to be invaluable.

When Moses talked to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 6 about passing on their faith, he spoke to the entire community. It was everyone’s responsibility to make sure that the next generation knew to keep God as the first priority. A typical Hebrew household could consist of over eighty people with aunts, uncles, cousins….
The modern church community can and should be a place where families share beliefs and encourage one another on the spiritual journey.

In the book, “Parenting Beyond Your Capacity,” authors Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof tell us that one of the greatest values of the church is its potential to provide community for children. The church should be a place where kids can show up and be safe, a place where they can have meaningful dialogue with another trusted adult, and a place where they can ask difficult questions.

So how do you build strategic relationships into the lives of your kids?
1. The first step is to develop relationships with families that mirror your beliefs. Start today by becoming a member of a Journey Group. I believe it doesn’t matter whether the group consists of families with kids the same age as your family or a group that is multi-generational. The key is to be in community with people that are willing to invest in your family and likewise you will have influence on the others in the group.
2. Connect with your child’s small group leader to develop a relationship. Ask if there is anything you could do to help your child engage better with the group. Express your appreciation to the leader for investing in your son or daughter.
3. Find ways for your kids to serve as they approach adolescence. Serving alongside leaders and adults helps kids to see how to “be” the church in contrast to just attending church. More can be learned by serving side by side with others than sitting in a classroom hearing about serving.
4. Search for mentors in your community. Think of adults in your relational network who could be a positive spiritual and moral voice in the life of your son or daughter and begin a conversation with them about a mentoring relationship with your child.

Remember we have greater influence together than we do separately. Begin today to consider how you can build strategic relationships in the lives of your kids.

Our kids are not safe.

It only takes one desperate teenager with a gun to prove that we are not able to protect our children 100% of the time. That is reality.

When tragedy strikes, we realize that time is short. This life is but a breath.

If we are holding up a picture for our children that we cannot promise with 100% certainty, what happens when reality hits and the picture is shattered?

We can tell our kids, “We do everything possible to keep you safe.” What happens when “everything possible” is not enough?

A 5-year-old recently told me with conviction that he is going to live a long time because he’s smart. He eats healthy and exercises so his mother has assured him that he is going to live a long life. I appreciate what his mom is teaching him about making healthy choices, but are those choices a guarantee?

When we cling to a better picture mentality, we feel good when the picture looks focused and bright. Things get murky when the picture gets fuzzy and dark. Disappointment, doubt, depression, despair…those are the realities of a better picture gone bad.

The Bible tells a bigger story. The story of the Bible leaves room for the broken, the painful, the unexpected and the tragic. It is a story of hope for the hopeless. It is the story of healing for the broken. It is the story of restoration for the estranged.

God’s bigger story has guarantees.

God is big enough to handle whatever we face.
We can trust Him no matter what.
The kingdom of God is here and is coming.
Following Jesus brings life and peace.
For those who love God and are called according to His purpose, He is working all things for good.
Only God knows the number of our days and he has ordained them all.
Eternity with God will not involve tears or pain.

Here’s the Big God Story in a nutshell:

God created the earth and everything in it, including man who was made in the image of God with the very breath of God. Man began in perfect relationship and true freedom with God until he sold himself as a slave to sin. God intervened by creating a rescue plan that involved laying down his own life to pay our debt so that we can live in a restored relationship with Him in true freedom for eternity. We can live a life of joy and peace in the midst of pain and chaos when we abide in Christ.

If that’s not good news in a broken world, I don’t know what is.

If you’re like most parents, building a strong family is at the top of your priority list for 2011. In order to help CCC parents along, I’ve decided to compile some Biblical examples of parenting so that you’ll have some step-by-step instructions on how to get started.

1. Adam & Eve. Look no further than Genesis and you’ll see two people literally created for each other, ready to populate the earth with delightful offspring. Let’s see what we can learn from their parenting techniques.

• Step 1: Lure your spouse into deadly sin.
• Step 2: Blame someone else for your failures, particularly your spouse.
• Step 3: Raise your sons to be so filled with jealousy that one kills the other.

Uh, maybe we should move on to someone else.

OK. Trying again.

2. Noah. This one is easy. After all, Noah was the only man on earth who followed God. Surely he can give us some insight.

• Step 1: Obey God with reckless abandon and involve your whole family in the journey. (So far so good.)
• Step 2: Witness God do an amazing rescue of your entire family.
• Step 3: When the whole thing is over, take up drinking.
• Step 4: If one of your sons makes fun of you for lying around naked and drunk, cast him out of the family while cursing him and all of his descendants.

Hmmm. This is harder than I thought.

I’ve got it now. Let’s check in with the father of many nations.

3. Abraham. This guy got a little bit of a late start in the whole parenting process. In fact, things were taking so long that he decided to speed things up a bit. Let’s see how he did it.

• Step 1: On the advice of your wife, sleep with the maid.
• Step 2: Do we really need to know what Abraham’s Step 2 is? Seriously. That’s messed up.

How I am going to instruct you how to create the ideal family using biblical examples when I can’t even find ONE single family in there that isn’t screwed up?

But isn’t that what we’re after? Sometimes I feel like there is this illusive dream I’m chasing to have the perfect family with a husband who hangs on my every word and kids who obey the first time with a cheerful attitude. In my dream the laundry is always done, the bills are always paid and the kids are hanging out just waiting for family devotions to start.

Isn’t that what God is after? Good Christian families he can use to build His kingdom? If that’s not it, what is He up to?

What if God is telling a bigger story rather than holding up a perfect picture? What if God can take broken, screwed up people and fulfill His promises in them…through them…with them? What if God wants to do that in and through your family?

Will you let Him?

According to the traditional church calendar, we are in the season called Advent, meaning “coming.” It’s not hard to see signs of the Christmas season all around us and they seem to crop up earlier and earlier each year. I don’t know of any other season filled with such anticipation of its arrival.

You already know what I’m going to say about all the hype and the focus being on commercialism, materialism, busyness, blah, blah, blah. I’ll spare you the lecture. We all know that Jesus is the object of our anticipation. The question is HOW do we celebrate the Advent of Jesus in a way that is meaningful and not just one more thing to do on an already too long to-do list?

The thing is, unless we intentionally set aside time and space to do this, it likely won’t happen on its own. Life will take over…that’s what life does. So I challenge you and encourage you to pick something you will do as a family to keep Jesus at the center.

Here are a few ideas and links to get more info:

Attend Morning in Bethlehem with your preschooler on December 11^th at the Old Mill campus. This is a fun time for families to travel back to Bible times and participate in activities pointing to Jesus’ birth.

Host a Birthday Party for Jesus. Sign up for a ready-made box with everything you need to host your own party with your kids and their friends. You can sign up in the Atrium at Old Mill or at the Information table at Sarpy. Or you can send an email to darlab@cccomaha.org. We did this for the first time last year and could not believe how easy it is!

Use the Homefront Weekly as an Advent Devotional. Pick a time this week to read the Bible Story your child will hear on Sunday morning. This week’s Advent theme is hope. Take time this week to reflect on the hope we have in Jesus and what it means that he came to us and is coming again. If you didn’t pick up the Homefront on Sunday morning click one of the links below:

Preschool/Kindergarten Homefront
Elementary Homefront

If you have other ideas to share about how your family celebrates Advent, share them with a comment.